


There's No Sunshine (This Impossible Year)

by prettierodds



Category: Heavy Rain
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, Other, Survivor Guilt, one idea for an ending out of many, shaun dies in this ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 19:54:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14292234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettierodds/pseuds/prettierodds
Summary: Shaun is lifted out of the water, stiller than Ethan has ever seen him.Ethan Mars falls to the ground, out cold





	There's No Sunshine (This Impossible Year)

_It's not your fault._

Ethan Mars' ears are ringing, his head full of cotton.

_It's not your fault._

He tries to step forward and his vision doubles, blurs, moves in slow motion.

_It's not your fault._

Shaun's face is twisted, pressed between bars as water drips down into his hair and collects past his mouth, past his nose, past his eyes.

_It's not. Your. Fault._

Ethan is ushered away from the scene, paramedics and police officers both trying to get to him and his son. He collapses on the ground.

His son. Oh god, Shaun.

He's vaguely aware of someone kneeling next to him. Then there's a man speaking, talking into Ethan's right ear and pressing a blanket around his shoulders but the words go right over him. He doesn't think he could pay attention even if he wanted to; the rain is coming down in distracting sheets, stinging like pins against his skin. Ethan squints, shakes his head.

"Where's Shawn?" His voice is hoarse from yelling.

"They're getting him," The man says. "Mr. Mars, my name is Norman. I'm with the FBI. . . Do you remember me?"

The FBI? Ethan tries to put together what exactly that means but the ringing in his ears won't stop and his vision blurs with every movement. He wonders if he's going to pass out.

"Can you tell me where you are?"

Ethan opens his mouth but finds he can't form any words. He settles for nodding.

"Do you know what happened?"

He settles for nodding again because he knows if he says it out loud he won't be able to ignore it. It'll be real. Right now he can pretend it's not real.

"Can you speak?"

Ethan shakes his head and closes his eyes because now on top of everything his stomach is turning and he might be sick.

The man-Norman-presses the blanket down and rubs a hand on his arm. He says something about shock and the rain to a nearby paramedic and then stands, fidgets with a pair of glasses in his hands, turns away. Ethan stares at the ground, words stumbling over themselves in his mind. Another fleeting thought sends a rush of panic through his body-Fuck, how is he supposed to tell Grace? He doesn't notice Norman is back and this time he's accompanied by a stretcher and two other medics.

"Ethan, you have to stop by the hospital, alright?"

Ethan stands with the help of two paramedics and looks back at the storm drain.

Shaun is lifted out of the water, stiller than Ethan has ever seen him.

Ethan Mars falls to the ground, out cold.

\--------------------------------------

The universe is playing a cruel joke today, Ethan thinks.

He closes his eyes, listens to the sound of birds chirping outside his window and the cars moving in the street below. If he concentrates, if he really focuses, he can hear it.

The rain.

A constant drum, sheets of water hitting the pavement and draining into sewers, dripping from rooftops, bouncing off windows.

He keeps his eyes closed and remembers what it feels like to hear someone yelling over the rain.

Ethan's eyes reluctantly open when his phone buzzes on his nightstand. He knows who it is without looking but picks it up anyway.

"Jayden."

"Ethan. Hope I didn't wake you. Although, it is almost eleven."

Norman Jayden did wake Ethan, kind of, but Ethan decides to let it go.

"No, no. I was just . . . sitting. I won't do much today." He says quietly. Norman is silent for a moment. Ethan knows that today is hard on him, too.

He almost goes to say goodbye and burrow back under his blankets when Jayden takes a breath.

"I'll go with you. If you were going, that is."

Ethan almost chokes. "Going?"

"Yeah." He pauses, knowing he's about to walk a very thin line. "I don't think Shaun would've wanted you to stay in bed and waste away, huh?"

Ethan winces when he hears his son's name. His face retains its worried features when he thinks about the destination Jayden is referring to.

"I don't think I can." He says softly. Jayden doesn't push it. He knows history will repeat itself, that Ethan will refuse to go until the day is almost over, when he will run to his car with his phone pressed to his ear hurridly asking Jayden to meet him at the cemetery. Jayden will bring some arrangement of flowers or decorations or toys to place around the modest headstone and Ethan will simultaneously thank him and apologize.

"Call me if you need anything," Jayden eventually replies. Ethan smiles slightly at the way the other man pronounced 'anything', his ridiculous half-exaggerated Boston accent pushing through the phone. He hangs up without replying. He knew he would end up calling later, once he got up the courage to stand over the plot of land where his son was buried. Ethan set his phone on the nightstand once again and rolled over, pulling his blanket up to his chin.

Jayden wasn't here to yell ("it's just a little tough love, Ethan, geez") at him to get off his ass, so he spends another three and a half hours drifting in and out of sleep. He dreams of Shaun. Shaun and Grace and Jason, of backyards with party decorations and crowded spaces where he finds himself rooted to the floor. Where he cups his hands together to press around his mouth but nothing comes out. Where he realizes that Jason has disappeared, where Shaun looks up at him with wide eyes and a trusting smile before fading to dust like his brother. Where Grace goes through the rest of her life pretending he died with their children.

He wakes in a cold sweat at 3:07 PM, blindly reaching for his phone.

He types out two words quickly to Jayden and forces himself to get dressed with shaking hands.

Jayden replies instantly with a simple "on my way" and that's the end of that. 

Norman Jayden lives about forty-five minutes away.

After twenty Ethan hears the soft rumble of an engine as a car pulls up the driveway.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm always ready for more heavy rain content and if that means i have to write some myself then so be it


End file.
